Something wanna to say, but do not know where to start. It was harrowing that to see you again becomes impossible.
Four years have past. There are impulsions, fluctuations, excitations, also broken-hearted in the 4 years. In this time, all those things should be forgotten. Now I believe it is doomed. I think it would be better to don't contact with you again.
Just forget it, The best way to forget a person, perhaps, is falling love into another one. Anyway, Merry Christmas and best wishes to you.